J.Ma On: Relationships

Dear Jason,

What is a relationship?

Thanks.

The above question is relatively simple. A relationship is when two nouns come together and do many verbs with each other. If you can't figure that out, a male and a female, do perverted things together. This is a statement. Also known as a fact.

I'm sorry, I lied. A relationship can be between a male and male, a female and a female, and an unknown with a known. If you couldn't figure what all those 3 factors meant, then I'm sorry. You shouldn't be reading this in the first place, honestly.

I've been in a relationship before. It can either be really good, or really bad. Most of the time (if I can be honest) it's actually really good. However, there is a large amount of bad moments though. So really, all things balance out.

As my friend said, "mating season is quite early this year." On Facebook, I see all these status changes about relationships and etc. That's lovely. I'm quite happy for all of them, but honestly, that's none of my concern.

So lets place this next example in a theoretical aspect. Meaning that it's theoretical, not actual.

I am a relationship with a Toyota Celica. Not only that, I'm also in a relationship with:
1) BMW M3
2) Mercedes-Benz S550
3) Honda Civic Si
4) Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution
5) Toyota Yaris
6) Nissan GT-R
7) Ferrari (insert a model here)
8) Chevy Corvette
9) Ford Fusion
10) Lexus LF-A

...and the list goes on and on. This may be quite ridiculous to you, but in reality, it's not.

Lets analyze why. Because I am in a relationship with so many cars, I am therefore declared a "player". Because I am a "player", I might get infected with an ASTD (automobile sexually transmitted defect.)

Because I'm with a relationship with so many cars, I am obliged to take care of so many cars. Meaning if any of them have any sort of defects, it's money out of my pocket.

But it's quite hard to describe a male's love of cars. Cars can be quite annoying most of the time (espicially if they're unreliable), but it's like a five year-old baby. It's quite annoying, but if anybody tried to take it away from you, you'd kill the individual. So that's that.

Therefore, I'd much rather go out with cars than with real people. Real people can give out STDs and reproduce. You wont need any type of rubber-like protection when you're with a car. Ultimately, you sit in a car, and press pedals, and move the giant circle in front of your hands to operate. With humans, it's quite complicated. Males have this long stick to play with. Girls have effectively three holes for the male to shove his stick into. Why so many choices? Can't we keep things simple? With cars, you have one pedal to accelerate, and one pedal to brake. It's so easy to label. With females, it's kind of asking yourself, "what happens when I shove my stick into this hole?"

Having a relationship with cars is better than that of having a relationship with humans. If Facebook allows me, I would say that I am "in a relationship with 2003 Toyota Celica." Cars wont cheat on you, cars wont leave your side, all cars do is suck up money (like prostitutes.)

There we go. I do hope this answers your question, Mr.______. Cars, much easier to handle. Stick with the technology that we have. In fact, there seems to be female robots in Japan, if that interests you.